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A bunch of dreams, and then some more dreams. Dreams within dreams. Is life itself a dream? Why are these all called Dreamscapes, anyway? Who are we and where do we come from?

Dreams i (11/26)

May 7, 1991

Choose a different dreamscape

I am looking for Jules, and I find her perhaps where we planned to meet. She is in a dorm? The library? Studying… alone which pleases me. We greet each other. She is somewhat cold, distant. Something has happened in her mind, I can tell, although I pretend nothing has changed. She’s so distant. In the library, suddenly, a line of security, moving slowly… searching through the students. They Are checking IDs. I am panicked, dry w/sudden fear. But I have an ID. I show them (my Met card… it’s appropriate), they leave and all returns to normal. I wonder why the students don’t rebel + revolt against such obvious breaches of basic rights. (This part of dream, obviously sparked by Hem + For Whom Bell Tolls).

I am w/Jules. She has led me to a dining hall. On the way, I try to break through her coldness. I say, “See? This is why we can’t be apart. We can’t allow time for this to happen.” It’s useless.

Earlier, in the study room, before the security check, I am sitting in an overstuffed study chair and I call to Jules because I have something personal + funny to tell her. She looks oddly at me and I motion for her to come and she pauses. I know that she’s annoyed by my presumption that she should come when I whistle. But I have books and things on my lap. I CAN’T get up. I motion more urgently. She reluctantly approaches. I’m not sure what, if anything, I had prepared to say, but the magic + connection, at this point, are long gone, and I feel the sinking acceptance of imminent rejection.

Oh! Also earlier, sitting at a study table. Young couple sitting across from us. Male says somethin about good sex being not enough. They speak loudly enough for us to hear. I sneak a glance at Jules, beside me. I know that WE have more.

With Jules at dining hall. Has she found someone else? I try to walk through the doors but again am stopped and asked for ID. I flash my Met. card, and the man asks for my Meal Plan card. I say:

“I don’t have my meal-plan card,” knowing damn well that I am implying that I forgot it, as opposed to the truth which is that I’m not on the meal plan. 

He says, just a minute, then comes around the desk and asks me to follow him. I know we are heading to check my status. I quickly admit my status, then claim that I didn’t want to eat anyway I just wanted to go outside to talk to my girlfriend. Someone else (another student?) asks who my girlfriend is. I point to her, because I can see Jules, now, outside, laboriously maneuvering a rack of clothing.

I am outside. I try to talk to Jules, but she is playing tag with some guy (Arby?). Are we going on a trip? I am wearing jeans, which may look okay, but are uncomfortably tight. The back pocket is huge and stuffed to the ripping point w/books. Three books. Other stuff. Keys, money.. Everything I own.

Earlier, back in the study room, the young couple across from us mentions something about a recent pregnancy scare. Perhaps this is when I glance at Jules. Later, climbing stairs, alone, I see CVH, and he says all is well, but his girlfriend just had a pregnancy scare. I mention the other guy, and add that it seems to be a trend… perhaps the weather, perhaps the warmth of May.

Anyway, main thesis of dream was a slow and painful loss of Jules.

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